She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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