He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
