I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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