we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There r osticjed everywhere
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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