South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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