So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
