Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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