Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
