Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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