omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
