Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
