What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
