Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
