what day is it and did you see me today?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
