I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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