i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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