If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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