My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
