Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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