the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
