i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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