i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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