it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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