My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
