I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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