I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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