The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
