So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
