i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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