Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
