I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
