I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
