you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
