so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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