I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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