someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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