no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
