Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
