Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
