I wish I could teleport
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
