Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
