Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
