just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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