Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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