My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
