Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
