You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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