Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
