I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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