What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
