where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
A+ Viking dick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
