Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
