The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
