the condom got lost in my hair
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who died my cat blue again?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
