so that wasnt chicken after all
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
