I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
