i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
