Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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